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The Only Inevitable Change Is Direction




*singing*

I bet you’re wondering where I’ve been…😏

Well, I got a passport! Not the passport you are thinking of though. 


Through a family member I was able to get a 2000 Honda passport. I received it the week of finals, just in time to let my hair down for winter break! The license plate said 721 BYE so of course it was extremely symbolic to me. In the year 2000 I was in the 5th grade. My elementary school stopped at grade 5 so that was the year all of my leadership skills came into play. I was captain of the cheerleading squad, student council president, student of the year,…I literally excelled in EVERYTHING I touched. I was 10 years old when the school year started and turned 11 that December. I said bye to 10 (721). Crazy right?

Well not only was the plate significant but the car itself was too. I was given a passport to travel. While I had set these major plans to change myself for the better I actually found myself traveling through time and spiritual realms. 

I went back to the old me…kind of. I went out, I hung out, I did everything to make me feel like ME again. I mentally traveled in my passport to the places I found comfort. Being near family and close friends that I had lost touch with. I stayed up late and on the weekends I didn’t have my kids, I barely slept at all. I went back to that girl in 2010 only this time not as independent. 

Spiritually, I traveled between reality and got in touch with my spiritual self a lot more than I could have before. I meditated, something I could never shut my brain up enough to do. My dreams became much more vivid and things in reality tied into that spiritual realm to where it was literally blowing my mind. 

However, the first lesson that I learned in my attempt to change was how golden silence is. I kept my mouth closed and my thoughts to myself. I posted less about my pending accomplishments on social media and I talked less about them overall. 

So anyway, back to the passport! My passport was already damaged as it would roughly slip into 2nd gear. I too did the same. No matter how hard I tried to break myself out of what I thought were unnecessary habits of mine, I realized that without these little elements of me, I wouldn’t quite get into the grove of things like I should. The procrastination, the spontaneity in me versus the organized and planned out person I was trying to become….all these things that I thought were hindering me from moving forward didn’t hinder me. In fact, I have learned that they are the parts of me that identify me as this masterpiece of God. When I plan, when I am not spontaneous with my moves and I do things ahead of my divine timing, the product isn’t my best. I too, while attempting this change, slipped into gear and didn’t quite operate to the best of my ability.

The one direction my passport had absolutely NO ISSUE traveling in was…yes…backwards! 

You know, life is extremely amusing when you think of how things tie into your life such as this car that runs smooth as hell backwards but not forwards. Didn’t I mention, I went back to the old me? I did it with EASE.

I also revisited the possibility of reconciling my marriage. But…the more I thought about it though, the more I cried. The more I backslid mentally into what I wished and prayed for before, the more it pained me to understand that it would never be what I had always hoped for. There would always be that lingering feeling of mistrust and trauma. 

Last night was the last time I drove my passport because it would not go forward. I actually got stuck picking up food for my kids. I got out, muscled up, and tried to push it! Didn’t budge. It started running hot and all from me still trying to actually drive it home. I turned it off to cool off and said to myself, reverse.

I drove five blocks in reverse to the driveway of my parents house. My passport has expired. 

School is starting again for myself and the kids… I literally am BACK where I was before I got the passport. After a brief moment of self discovery emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, I realized that there was no need to change what I had become but be confident in the things only I thought needed to be changed. The passport taught me a lot simply because I had to learn to operate it and myself at the same time. So now just like my passport, I am back into the true me, facing forward towards my goals..only this time knowing what I’m made of and not willing to change any of it one bit.


Peace and Love,

Lindsey

Comments

Synchronicity at it's best! Keep growing & glowing love! You'll get your "passport" renewed when the time is right! Last week, the number 606 kept coming up for me. Look it up 😉