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Growth




I finally got my “mojo” back. I’m in a place mentally where I know who I am and where I want and do not want to be. This realization or “soul awakening” is bitter sweet. I say that because it’s always personally satisfying to have a better sense of self. The downside is... well... no one else can translate that for themselves and you end up looking like the complicated one moving forward. But hey, I’d rather be difficult to crack open emotionally than to be the one standing in the corner too emotional. It’s not about putting up a front. It’s about knowing how boundaries work. The worst thing I can do to myself at this critical building stage is aid in tearing Lindsey down even when the person I’m helping isn’t intentionally trying to do so. I refuse to go back to the emotional wreck I was. 

Before love there was like and in between was that grey area of uncertainty. That’s how Lindsey operated for a long time. Blindly moving forward into things without really looking at what I’m getting into. Hoping that grey area becomes something more .

That grey area seems to be the one that makes or breaks us everytime. We ignore the signs of the obvious and continue to try to fill that space with our own emotions. We then start to drown our voice out and here come the excuses and defense for them. We have to realize our voices are the only ones telling us this area is dangerous. Them days are over for me.

One thing this whole experience of losing myself has taught me is how not to lose me again. Clarity with self and the dynamics between others are important simply because I can stay safe or become a danger to myself. How can I feel if I don’t make a pathway to feel? I close the entry gate at all costs.

I’m working again so I have been extremely tired lately guys. I hope you all are still out there following this process as I am hitting another growth factor in my life. I spent time wondering what now  after writing that letter to myself  and the answer was also within me. I said I love me too but then had to tell myself what I always tell the man in my life.

If you love me, actions speak louder than words... show me.
So here I am, all in love and shit. Protecting what I value. Me and my voice.

Peace and Love, 
Lindsey

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