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It's Time To Find Your Voice Again!

Today was different. I cried.

I didn't cry because I was depressed, I didn't cry because of the overwhelming feeling of being so young with so much responsibility, and  not because of so much resentment and lingering pain.

I cried because my life matters too. I cried because  today would be the first day of the rest of my life. And in the moment of tears, I realized my life is bigger than me.

We go through so much as women. We try to make ourselves feel whole by putting our happiness in the hands of others.

Our children..
Our spouses..
Our parents..
Our spiritual leaders..

But who do we turn to when the world says we are to be second? Who do we talk to when we feel like we can no longer pray and hope for positive change in our circumstances.

It's time to say enough is ENOUGH!

I got to a point in my life where it was time to put me first. How could I nurture my children when I didn't even want to live?

I spent so many days and nights crying because I felt my life was…
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I finally got my “mojo” back. I’m in a place mentally where I know who I am and where I want and do not want to be. This realization or “soul awakening” is bitter sweet. I say that because it’s always personally satisfying to have a better sense of self. The downside is... well... no one else can translate that for themselves and you end up looking like the complicated one moving forward. But hey, I’d rather be difficult to crack open emotionally than to be the one standing in the corner too emotional. It’s not about putting up a front. It’s about knowing how boundaries work. The worst thing I can do to myself at this critical building stage is aid in tearing Lindsey down even when the person I’m helping isn’t intentionally trying to do so. I refuse to go back to the emotional wreck I was. 
Before love there was like and in between was that grey area of uncertainty. That’s how Lindsey operated for a long time. Blindly moving forward into things without really looking at what I’m gettin…

Dear Lindsey,...*an open letter to myself*

Look at yourself...

What have you done to us? The last time I wrote to you was probably in high school. You graduated, you lived, and you finally learned. You always bring us back to the days of 2010. I'm assuming that is because you feel like those days were the start of your life in good and bad ways. You had Londen and you made it a priority to "stunt"...but for all the wrong reasons.

Sure, you wanted to prove to everyone and yourself that you are capable of making big moves and handling those moves with minimal help and...quite frankly you did! But something was missing. That something you gave to someone else. That something that was strong enough to make mountains move. That something that the one who gained it all from you, wasn't delicate enough...patient enough...wise enough...and strong enough to see you needed it back.

That Something Is Love.

I've watched, heard, and felt your cries. I've listened to you scream and belt out in song for love. I'…

The Only Inevitable Change Is Direction

I bet you’re wondering where I’ve been…😏
Well, I got a passport! Not the passport you are thinking of though. 

Through a family member I was able to get a 2000 Honda passport. I received it the week of finals, just in time to let my hair down for winter break! The license plate said 721 BYE so of course it was extremely symbolic to me. In the year 2000 I was in the 5th grade. My elementary school stopped at grade 5 so that was the year all of my leadership skills came into play. I was captain of the cheerleading squad, student council president, student of the year,…I literally excelled in EVERYTHING I touched. I was 10 years old when the school year started and turned 11 that December. I said bye to 10 (721). Crazy right?
Well not only was the plate significant but the car itself was too. I was given a passport to travel. While I had set these major plans to change myself for the better I actually found myself traveling through time and spiritual realms. 
I went back to t…