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It's Time To Find Your Voice Again!

Today was different. I cried.

I didn't cry because I was depressed, I didn't cry because of the overwhelming feeling of being so young with so much responsibility, and  not because of so much resentment and lingering pain.

I cried because my life matters too. I cried because  today would be the first day of the rest of my life. And in the moment of tears, I realized my life is bigger than me.

We go through so much as women. We try to make ourselves feel whole by putting our happiness in the hands of others.

Our children..
Our spouses..
Our parents..
Our spiritual leaders..

But who do we turn to when the world says we are to be second? Who do we talk to when we feel like we can no longer pray and hope for positive change in our circumstances.

It's time to say enough is ENOUGH!

I got to a point in my life where it was time to put me first. How could I nurture my children when I didn't even want to live?

I spent so many days and nights crying because I felt my life was…
Recent posts

Graduation: My Degree (part 2)

So now here I was, right back in the midst of this huge life lesson. I say this because I basically came into it at the 7th month mark after our marriage had been still valid after 7 years. Double completion and that adds up to my favorite number, 14. I had completed and failed my test. The test being my course of actions during the 7 month separation. The timing was divine as hell because I had to endure me pleading again... because he started seeing someone else consistently. That didn’t stop us from saying let’s do this. So then it became a third party situation. Only I didn’t know he was still holding on to her as a backup plan Incase we failed. Yet like a woman, I gave it all up for true love from him.
My wrongs came back to bite me in the ass. They affected us both. They affected his family, and my family. We agreed to let go of whomever we were dealing with and move forward. Suddenly, though, I found myself in competition. I started to feel like things would be too hard to conqu…

Graduation: Classless (Part 1)

So I left you all hanging because basically I left myself hanging. I went wild. I didn’t give not one fuck about my spirit or my internal healing. I didn’t wanna hear shit from anyone and gravitated towards people who didn’t tell me pump my brakes...I didn’t post for the same reason.
I didn’t want to show the real agony and suffering I was going through mentally and emotionally. I took all the pain out on my physical well being. Then I dressed it up... like a puddle of tears with glitter in it... or a lemon with a good paint job.
I kept it all to myself.
This will be a 3 part post.. so bare with me while I attempt to untangle and release the past few months.
I got my feelings hurt after pretty much being shut down by guys telling me they are single and not planning on changing that. So I said fuck it! The one man I dedicated my everything to doesn’t want me. I became jobless, living in my mom’s house, have four kids on my side, and the apartment I thought was mine was put at a complete ha…

Growth

I finally got my “mojo” back. I’m in a place mentally where I know who I am and where I want and do not want to be. This realization or “soul awakening” is bitter sweet. I say that because it’s always personally satisfying to have a better sense of self. The downside is... well... no one else can translate that for themselves and you end up looking like the complicated one moving forward. But hey, I’d rather be difficult to crack open emotionally than to be the one standing in the corner too emotional. It’s not about putting up a front. It’s about knowing how boundaries work. The worst thing I can do to myself at this critical building stage is aid in tearing Lindsey down even when the person I’m helping isn’t intentionally trying to do so. I refuse to go back to the emotional wreck I was. 
Before love there was like and in between was that grey area of uncertainty. That’s how Lindsey operated for a long time. Blindly moving forward into things without really looking at what I’m gettin…